Better Every Day

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: Owning Your Results

Over the last two months we’ve talked a lot about mindset and the impact that various types of mindsets have on performance. This week, we’re going to continue looking at this but from a slightly different perspective. In a book that I often refer back to, I was reminded of a quote that really resonates with me.  It said “Greatness isn’t for the chosen few.  Greatness is for the few that choose.”  After reading that, I sat there for a moment thinking- Wow. What a great reminder of the choices we have.  The outward expression of our lives at this point is a culmination of the choices we have made.  Everything that exists in your life first started with a choice that you made at some point. If you don’t have the results you want, the income you desire, or the depth of relationships, for example, it is a direct result of the choices you have made to this point.  Now, this may be hard to hear or to accept, but ultimately, the responsibility is yours, and that is a good thing, and I’ll tell you why. But the first step is- you guessed it- becoming aware of what those choices are. And second is taking responsibility for them. I’m going to first talk about why taking full responsibility is a good thing.

Taking responsibility for each and every aspect of your life and the results you’ve had to date is the ONLY way to make the changes you need to move forward.  It is very easy to make excuses for not having what we want.  This world is full of finger pointing, victimhood, and blaming or expecting someone else to solve our problems.  And while it is true that not everyone has the same privilege and opportunities, or the same level of health, or resources available to them, we all have the ability to choose and to take ownership of our lives.  It is only when you take ownership of your experiences that you have the power to change them.

I want you to think of an accomplishment you have achieved that you are really proud of.  Take a moment and relish in that accomplishment and all of the great feelings that accompany it.  Think of the time and effort you put in to achieve it.  Now, there may have been others that supported you, but I would venture to guess that you take ownership of that accomplishment.  So my question to you is- How do you take credit for the accomplishments and the good things that occur in your life, but then not take ownership for the areas of your life that aren’t where you’d like them to be?  How can you claim the good and place blame or make excuses for the not so good?

Excuses are simply lies that we tell ourselves.  Lies that make us feel better for not having the results we want. Think about it from this perspective.  If you take ownership of the aspects of your life that are not where you want them to be, then you are also taking control AND have the power to make the changes you need to make.  If you’re not taking responsibility for those areas of your life, then you are essentially saying that you are helpless.  Would you prefer to take responsibility for both the good and the bad and have the power to take action and make changes or would you prefer to be powerless and to be a victim of circumstance?  Because unfortunately, you can’t have it both ways.

I recognize that this is not easy to accept, and I will provide you with a specific strategies that you can use, but the first step is recognizing what our choices are and adopting the right mindset to take back control. They call these “soft skills”, but there is nothing “soft” about them.  In my opinion, working on ourselves and building a solid foundation can be some of the most difficult work we do.

So, I want you to marinate on this idea and start to notice where you are taking ownership and where you are making excuses.

Remember, we are wired for self-preservation, and it is in our nature to protect ourselves from things that could harm us, even if that thing is the beliefs we hold about ourselves and our results.  It is so much easier to blame outside circumstances, but when we do, we give up the power to change it.

Here is a quick formula that I was introduced to that has served me well and I believe will serve you well if you implement it.  The formula is:

E + R = O

(Event + Response = Outcome)

Here is how this works… Your outcomes or results are the product of your response to previous events.  There are a variety of events that will happen that you have absolutely no control over, but what you always have control over is how you respond to those events.  Over the course of our lives, we will likely experience bad economies, negative bosses, gender bias, racism, bad weather, traffic, unsupportive political climates, friends who try to bring you down, and so on.  The list is literally never-ending.  You ultimately can’t take responsibility or control for those events occurring, but you can control how you respond to those events.

Let’s break this down even further with an example. You can’t control morning traffic, but is there something you can do that is productive that will make your drive to work more pleasant so if, or rather, when you experience morning traffic, you’re not frustrated  and stressed because you’re late?  Maybe you plan for the traffic to happen so you leave earlier and are pleasantly surprised when the roads are clear.  Maybe you subscribe to Audible and start listening to audio books. Maybe you find a new and interesting podcast on a topic that you’ve been wanting to learn about.  Maybe you use that time to reflect on what is going well in your life and what you are grateful for.

I remember that a trigger for me when driving was when people knew a lane was ending and they would wait until the last minute to merge and then cause additional backups at the merge point.  That literally drove me nuts.  I recognized that it was something that would give me an emotional charge, so I took time to come up with a different response.  I thought to myself - that I don’t know what is happening in that person’s life that is causing them to rush and make poor driving decisions.  Perhaps if they are late again for work, they will get fired.  Or maybe their child was sick in the morning and that put them behind.  There are all sorts of reasons that could cause someone to be running late and perhaps them being late has real consequences for them. Or it could be that they are just selfish and believe their time is more valuable than mine, and if that is the case, well they have much bigger problems.  The point is that I no longer let that event that will inevitably happen, dictate how I am going to feel.  I no longer get the negative emotional charge that I used to which would’ve impacted my day and ultimately how I showed up and performed.

Now responding in a productive way to traffic is easy, and I know that we are faced with much more difficult challenges and events in our lives.  The process is the same though.  When you experience a financial hardship, a person who is consistently negative, whatever it is- what is a better response that you can have and how are you going to respond so you can feel empowered rather than powerless?  It is that response that will contribute to your outcome.

So, one exercise I encourage you to do is to try giving new meaning and having productive responses to events that may not be positive and see how the outcome changes.  Even if it just means that you’re in a better mood at the end of the day, that is a win.  Because when you feel better, you perform better and when you’re in a better mood and a happier person, people will want to be around you and that will help strengthen your relationships.  And that is a huge win.

Below this article are the key actions. For the first one, I’d love for you to identify at least one example of an event that impacts you in a negative way and then come up with at least one, but ideally two or more productive responses or meanings that you can apply to those events that would allow them to not negatively affect you.

The second key action I would encourage you to do is to identify at least one area of your life where you’re not taking 100% responsibility for your current outcomes. It could be both successes or less than desired results.  In this exercise, I encourage you to identify at least two choices you have made that have contributed to the outcome. Then, identify two things that you can start doing to take back responsibility of your results.

These may seem basic and simple to you.  But as, Jim Rohn has said- “What is simple to do is also simple not to do.” The benefit doesn’t come from how complex a task is, it comes from consistently doing the things that move the needle.

The biggest difference between those that are successful and those that aren’t is that successful people are willing to do what unsuccessful people are not.

See you next week!